Tamoxifen! Damn you!
I hate these hot flashes. I get them every hour or two at night--just enough to insure I never, ever feel rested. I wake up....I realize a hot flash is beginning. I push off every cover. I sleep. I wake again twenty minutes later....I'm cold. Lather, rinse, repeat. Six times the other night.
I can't believe I'm looking at years of this garbage. Please God tell me it will even out at some point.
And we won't speak of the mood swings...when I'm under stress (which seems to be about 90% of the time) I alternate between just purely pissed off at the world or despondent.
My, this is so much fun.
Happy birthday to me this week...this year has sucked. I sure hope the next one is less dramatic!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Tamoxifen......ICK.
I have now taken 10 tamoxifen pills...that stuff BETTER stop more cancer, because I'm not impressed with the side effects.
My mood swings have been EPIC...
My head hurts all or part of every day...
I am getting more and more hot flashes especially at night--I wake up and kick off covers or pull on covers a dozen times a night....
My mouth has this horrible taste...metallic...rancid...blah....
Oh goody...I get to take this stuff for five years. I sure hope the first month or two is the worst.
I don't recommend breast cancer as a hobby.
My mood swings have been EPIC...
My head hurts all or part of every day...
I am getting more and more hot flashes especially at night--I wake up and kick off covers or pull on covers a dozen times a night....
My mouth has this horrible taste...metallic...rancid...blah....
Oh goody...I get to take this stuff for five years. I sure hope the first month or two is the worst.
I don't recommend breast cancer as a hobby.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
October 1...Begin Next Phase!
Today I start to take the anti-cancer drug tamoxifen for five years....I guess my hormones are in for a wake-up call (a go-to-sleep call?).
I also have several doctors debating whether tamoxifen alone is enough....
...or whether I should take a shot every month to squash my ovaries (and kill my life as a somewhat happy productive person, by some accounts!)....
...or whether I should just have another lovely surgery to rip out my lady parts altogether! Get it all over with quickly (?) and take away the estrogen production AND the risk of tamoxifen giving me endometrial cancer.
Decisions...decisions...this girl-stuff is so FUN. What will it be...estrogen naps, ovary comas, or slash and burn?
For now, it's tamoxifen and PUNT! Tomorrow is another day.
I also have several doctors debating whether tamoxifen alone is enough....
...or whether I should take a shot every month to squash my ovaries (and kill my life as a somewhat happy productive person, by some accounts!)....
...or whether I should just have another lovely surgery to rip out my lady parts altogether! Get it all over with quickly (?) and take away the estrogen production AND the risk of tamoxifen giving me endometrial cancer.
Decisions...decisions...this girl-stuff is so FUN. What will it be...estrogen naps, ovary comas, or slash and burn?
For now, it's tamoxifen and PUNT! Tomorrow is another day.
Friday, September 18, 2009
A taste for more "adventure"
So what happens when Lisa finishes radiation treatment and moves on with the rest of her life?
She slips in her kitchen (cleaning up after her semi-incontinent dog), smacks the back of her head against the kitchen table on the way down, and starts to bleed profusely. Off she goes to the ER for a fun late night adventure of pressure bandaging, cat scanning, X-raying, and a stitch to finish off the fun. The doctor (who fancied himself Cumberland's very own Jay Leno) decided to use a bandaging strategy which made me look like a cross between a bank robber and a Snow Baby.
So here I am...with enough blood left in my hair to stand the back up like a ghoulish Kate Gosselin....waiting until tomorrow (!) to wash the whole thing away...
I am okay...sore, embarrassed, cranky...relieved I don't have a concussion or a brain bleed.
What did I do to deserve 2009, I ask you?
She slips in her kitchen (cleaning up after her semi-incontinent dog), smacks the back of her head against the kitchen table on the way down, and starts to bleed profusely. Off she goes to the ER for a fun late night adventure of pressure bandaging, cat scanning, X-raying, and a stitch to finish off the fun. The doctor (who fancied himself Cumberland's very own Jay Leno) decided to use a bandaging strategy which made me look like a cross between a bank robber and a Snow Baby.
So here I am...with enough blood left in my hair to stand the back up like a ghoulish Kate Gosselin....waiting until tomorrow (!) to wash the whole thing away...
I am okay...sore, embarrassed, cranky...relieved I don't have a concussion or a brain bleed.
What did I do to deserve 2009, I ask you?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Cancer wisdom from my friend Bryan
My cancer scare changed my life. I'm grateful for every new, healthy day I have. Olivia Newton John
So true...but I'd like to look like Olivia as my reward. Jeff seconds the motion.
My veins are filled with carpet cleaner once a week, and I am as bald as an egg. However I still get around and I am mean to cats. Life is good.
John Cheever
I didn't do chemo, but I love this quote. This one's for you, Renee Kiddy (not the cats part!).
When the Japanese mend broken objects they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe when something has suffered damage and continues on, it becomes more beautiful.
Barbara Bloom
This one made me cry.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Herm Albright
Sounds like the Democrats need this one.
So true...but I'd like to look like Olivia as my reward. Jeff seconds the motion.
My veins are filled with carpet cleaner once a week, and I am as bald as an egg. However I still get around and I am mean to cats. Life is good.
John Cheever
I didn't do chemo, but I love this quote. This one's for you, Renee Kiddy (not the cats part!).
When the Japanese mend broken objects they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe when something has suffered damage and continues on, it becomes more beautiful.
Barbara Bloom
This one made me cry.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Herm Albright
Sounds like the Democrats need this one.
Treatment ends....future begins
I have run the race...and now I get a little rest.
Radiation is done.
No more hanging out with strangers five days a week!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Two more
Two more treatments....
My breast hurts most of the time now--intermittent stabbing pains and then dull pain like a toothache. There is swelling, but the skin has calmed down.
I can't imagine having this done to my head or my abdomen like the people I sit with.
I saw a new lady in the waiting room this week. She's probably my age...hair growing in from chemo baldness...so weak she can barely stand up from her wheelchair. Today she was wheeled in and parked by a man who left, and she stared vacantly at the giant aquarium while she waited. Her daughter came later and talked to her in a loud, sing-song voice. The daughter told her mother to "say thank you" as they were leaving as if her mom were a four year old. The poor woman. What is she dealing with, I wonder?
I come and go into these treatments like Hurricane Lisa. The doctor told me today I walk like I'm in a rush to get somewhere (as I nearly collided with a nurse in the hallway).
What's the rush? I running toward a simpler place, with no doctors or machines for a blessed few weeks...months....
My breast hurts most of the time now--intermittent stabbing pains and then dull pain like a toothache. There is swelling, but the skin has calmed down.
I can't imagine having this done to my head or my abdomen like the people I sit with.
I saw a new lady in the waiting room this week. She's probably my age...hair growing in from chemo baldness...so weak she can barely stand up from her wheelchair. Today she was wheeled in and parked by a man who left, and she stared vacantly at the giant aquarium while she waited. Her daughter came later and talked to her in a loud, sing-song voice. The daughter told her mother to "say thank you" as they were leaving as if her mom were a four year old. The poor woman. What is she dealing with, I wonder?
I come and go into these treatments like Hurricane Lisa. The doctor told me today I walk like I'm in a rush to get somewhere (as I nearly collided with a nurse in the hallway).
What's the rush? I running toward a simpler place, with no doctors or machines for a blessed few weeks...months....
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